It is Valentine’s day, and we know love is the most wonderful of all feelings.
It’s a shitty cold weather on the south coast of England. Rain, wind howling, and the wild waves crashing 50 metre from my window, while I’m watching the British weather rage from my living room, with an inside temperature of 20 degrees. But it’s Valentine’s Day, a hot loving day, a happy day, despite the foggy grey clouds on the horizon.
On this very special day, 10 years ago, I received my ever first Valentine’s card.
And on this very special day it’s also 1 year ago since I published BURNING DESIRE: The Psychopath and The Girl in Black Prada Shoes – Part 1
There was nothing better when my beloved expressed what I believed was his heartfelt emotions to me. It made me feel so special.
During our first half year, and in our early stage of the Honeymoon phase, he had sent me six special Valentine’s e-cards. I was ecstatic! Then I felt excited about how much his love-bombing and his enthusiasm for sending me so many love letters loved me.
In my euphoric state of love, I truly wanted to be his Valentine girl and sit under the three of love with him, kissing and holding our hands in our forever love.
What I didn’t know at the time being; my boyfriend was 90% psychopathic, and the rest of his 10% were possibly a loving side as his devoted words blended with romantic emotions. Those 10% made me believe he was 100% real and had a clean and heartfelt soul.
I truly believed he loved me with all his heart. That he wanted me to be his one and only Valentine this year and every year thereafter.
I loved him unconditionally and felt strong with him when he gave me a new life, a valued gift to be loved when he picked me up from my sadness and called me ‘baby’, ‘little girl’, ‘MM’, and many other sweet nicknames. How cute is that?
Well, the happy ending wouldn’t last forever.
Ever since he captured me, he gave me multiple uppercuts in my face, plenty of malicious kicks in my ass and many nasty punches into my face, when he assured me, “Trust me. I love only you.” OK, they were not physical ‘kicks’ or ‘uppercuts’, but emotional nasty punches every time.
I wonder if he was worth any of it? Because he did his best to systematically to destroy me year after year.
I tried to keep up my courage and positive spirit by searching for the peace in my life with him. Thus, I paid a vast price for the choices I made. And I don’t deny I could not figure out the long-term costs of my decisions.