Ending Up In A Mentally Dark Place

The unpredictability when being in love with a psychopath.

In a flurry of lust mistaken for love, all bets for a happy life were off. Unfortunately, I thereafter ended up in a mentally dark place.

Why? Because I loved a covert narcissist. And, how did it turn out when I stayed in such a relationship with a psycho?

How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship?

How to get out of an abusive relationship even when being in love with a psychopath? It’s hard! Everything was so beautiful represented, at least at first! Sadly, nothing was real! Instead it was narcs and deep, dark secrets hidden away!

Hugger Mugger - The Con Man Smile - Book Cover
Hugger Mugger – The Con Man Smile

Welcome To My Website 14th February 2020

My name is M. L. Stark. I am the author of “Hugger Mugger” based on experiences from my personal life while I was in love with a narcissist. On this page, I talk about how I endured my life during the time living in a Mentally Dark Place. It was the worst time of life as I experienced how my soul ended up in a toxic, controlled and abusive relationship from the moment I fell in love with a psychopath.

How Does A Narcissist React To Confrontation?

I never knew what was meant or what he wanted from me. What was good yesterday or today was often gibberish tomorrow. At least, in his mind. It was a an emotionally dark situation. A toxic, manipulated, and abusive relationship being in love with a psychopath. I don’t think people realise how much strength it takes to pull oneself out of a toxic and abusive relationship once you first have ended up with a covert narcissist. It’s like living in a painful and mentally dark place with him.

The Lovely Future Was Fake

He didn’t want me only my valuables. He didn’t want my love, only the admiration I could give him. Then he wanted my obedience as a prayer in his make-believe world. In fact, he was a two-face, delusional creature who hid everything and lied about everything and never respected me even I was loving a narcissist. What kind of deep dark, secrets did he have? What I experienced; everything was about total control from the narcs part of what he really wanted from me.







Narcissists have two faces
Narcissists have two faces…

Growth And Experience

Then I’m talking about why I for the past decades, wanted to write a book about my growth experience from being born until I became an adult woman. One thing was important for me; my marriage that lasted for over 20 years before I ended up in a devastating love affair with a lunatic. However, the most important and delighted part of my accomplishment; I was blessed with four warmhearted children who then blessed me with lovely grandchildren, too.

Author VideoThe unpredictability of falling in love with a psychopath
It was never to know what was meant or what he wanted from me. What was good yesterday or today was often gibberish tomorrow in his mind. It was a mentally dark place, and I don’t think people realise how much strength it takes to pull oneself out of it.

In A Flurry Of Lust

One thing I’m not proud of, as I, in a flurry of lust mistaken for love with an imposter, all bets on a safe, blissful lifespan were off. Sadly, I fell victim to my chase for affection that engulfed me until my physical health declined into a gloomy situation. That experience placed me on to the most drawn-out dangerous edge of a failed suicide.

During my middle-aged time, my marriage got ruined into shattered pieces before I got divorced. At the time where I had met a new man, I, at first, noticed nothing. Then I fell more in love with this psycho and saw not through the passion that he actually mentally abused me. In conclusion, of my blindness for love when I dated him, I too lated realised how he had swindled others throughout his entire life with his possesive megalomania, manipulation, and hardcore scams.

Before It All Came To My Awareness

As a blindfolded and headless chicken, I had sacrificed my livelihood for this venomous adventure by falling in love with a narcissist that took me across the globe with him. Nevertheless and before I knew of it, I became a character in his horror spell when he sank into his cruel mania of deceives, abuse and lies.

Ultimately and financially, I bailed him out of too many messes. The worst habit he learned me was how I should lie. Normally, I never lied, yet, I started to lie towards my family and friends on his behalf during the time where he kept me captured in his psychological ambiguous livelihood. In conclusion, I fatally left my husband and children behind.

Why, would the reader perhaps ask? Because, I had placed my life on the line for a future believing in the egomaniac person and eventually, I crumbled into pieces.

The Existence With The Crackpot

In other words, and too late in my existence with the crackpot, I perceived it was necessary to take the tough decision either to lose myself completely in his fake love – or leave the evil person behind. He ghosted me after I dared to confront him and used the silent treatment against me, too. Next, he acted in a passive aggressive way and took all my words out of context and twisted my words. The dude ignored my feelings, completely and played the victim to avoid responsibility, too. That’s what such psychos do!

Was he sick or was he plain evil? Well, a narcissist are selfish, a severe liar, a manipulator only for the victim to serve their interest. Such evil people destroy ones life and they will never change. And there is only one way for you to survive. Get the hell out of such a toxic relationship.

While I lived in this petrifying mess being in love with a psychopath, I still had the courage to help abandoned animals and supported children’s causes, if needed. It gave me the most optimistic values for my spirit so I could withstand the complex situation.

A Mentally Dark Place

In 2014, when I was the most lost, my inner spirit told me something was way off in my liveliness of being in love with a psychopath. Then I researched about psychopathic and sociopathic behavior to get answers of whom of us suffered from antisocial personality disorder. Him or me?

Along with my first-hand experience dating a man with antisocial personality disorder, I reflected on that entire experience, and realised many of the traits fitted so well on my lover.

He Was Such A Nice Guy At First

However, too late, I had grasped that falling in love with a psychopath and whereas I later experienced how it was living with a covert narcissist was not the best choice for my life. Of course, and because of the metal abuse and his manipulative behaviour, I, therefore broke down. Living a life with him was more than difficult to get through, as I too late recognised how he had had an extremely cruel psychological agenda for me when he had dragged me into his mentally dark place.

In 2016, I gathered the courage to write some of my life experience of the double-edged sword of love of falling in love with a psychopath. And I am sure readers will find the line between love and manipulation is anything but clear-cut.

Wonderful United Kingdom

When I moved from abroad to the United Kingdom, at first I wanted the writing to be self-help, and ultimately, I got control over my distraught life again. The process made me to shed light on psychological abuse and increase awareness of the blindness in adoration for the fake love scammers, and of how it is when falling in love with a psychopath, which they use when they mentally abuse others.

Achieving The Goal

After I had moved in 2016, I found a fresh life in the southern part of England. I fell in love with Bournemouth. Ultimately, it was here the narrative about falling in love with a psychopath seriously began. Then, I backtracked my life of what had happened during my time in Spain throughout 2010. It was there, I had met this new exiting man. Together with him, my life was more or less a mess. Having him in my life, I mostly lived like a globetrotter between Denmark, Spain, Asia, and Balkan. Finally, the narrative ended up in England again in 2020.

Conclusively, the book series did a profound service to readers when I exposed the truth. The sincerity of how it was to live and fall in love with a stop-at-nothing, callous psychopath.

Bournemouth & Poole coastline where I liked my wounds after I went NO CONTACT with the psychopath.

I Pushed My Limits To The Outmost

Consequently, I released the first and second instalments of the Burning Desire series in 2020. However, due to a change in publishers, I have completely updated the content and also changed the titles of both books. They are now known as “Hugger Mugger” – Part 1 and “Maze Aflame” – Part 2.

With my narrative, I was certain it was the first series of its kind on the market about how my experience turned out, when I was one of the many women falling in love with a psychopath. As I shared my life events, I hoped to connect with other people, too, and deter them from facing a venomous relationship in their lives; a toxicity as I had experienced it.

The Most Important Aspect Of My Life

It’s amazing! I got the ride out of the despairing relationship and saw myself as a survivor of abuse. It can still get a bit though. Although, after the breakup, I as the sane one stayed single and dealt with the damages until healed, while the psycho was already in another relationship.

Even good decisions come from experiences, sometimes ugly memories popped up; it made me sad. Hence, I learned from mistakes in my life and never regretted to go no-contact with the narc. There was nothing good coming out of trying to reason with an unreasonable person, anyway.

However, most of the time, I’m very content by living a gratified life in Bournemouth. Here, I discovered how I achieved the impossible; writing books about being a victim and how I survived the cruelty of abuse by a man who had no love for others, then himself.




Bob Marley

Hugger Mugger - The Con Man Smile

LA Times Festival Of Books In Los Angeles, California, 2022

BURNING DESIRE was displayed at the LA Times Festival of Books in Los Angeles, California from April 23-24, 2022. It was presented in the catalog that was displayed and distributed at the event. Attendees had the chance to view the book and many took a copy of the catalog with them.

This means that they showed my book in the gallery. Hundreds of people took information on how to order my book, and is available for sale in the bookstore, too. What a wonderful feeling. It is a part of Author Solutions LA Times Festival of Books catalog and their family of authors.

Just to make it clear, there is unfortunately a mistake in the above text. The antagonist can’t swindle himself. However, he was swindling others throughout his entire life.You can find the book on page 27 in the catalog.

Hengistbury head, Bournemouth
Check this out and listen to the Author online interview with TogiNet.

Author Radio Interview with TogiNet

The Sun Is Still Shinning

Let us not forget in these tragic pandemic times that the sun is still shining out there. I wish everyone in the entire world a great recovery and great health.

Many thoughts to all who became a victim of this cruel COVID-19 virus. I deeply feel sadden for those who passed away and for their families and loved ones.

With my deepest respect for everyone in the health care. They are all doing their best.

Take good care of yourself, your neighbours, and your loved ones. We all need to be there for each other. I wish you all a lovely day. 🌹😘

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