Ending Up In A Mentally Dark Place

I am M. L. Stark. and within the pages of “Hugger Mugger: ” The Con Man Smile, Part 1″ and “MAZE AFLAME: Flimflam Man, Part 2” I pour out the fiery essence of my very soul. These books are not just ink on paper; they are the embodiment of my triumph over the darkest shadows of my past. Through the flickering flames of adversity, I have risen, crafting tales that echo the resilient beat of my heart. Experiences from when I was in love with a psychopath I ended up being in a mentally dark place.

Every word penned is a testament to the strength I discovered within myself. A testament to the resilience of the human spirit. I have dared to bare my scars, to expose the rawness of my wounds, for I know that in sharing my journey, I offer hope to those who may tread a similar path.

And as I close each chapter, I am reminded of the immortal words of Bob Marley: “The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love without the intention of loving her.” These words resonate within me. They are fuelling my passion to shine a light on the darkness, to empower those who have been wronged. And to stand as a beacon of love and resilience in a world that too often seeks to extinguish the flames of hope.


As a result, I published the initial and subsequent parts of the Burning Desire series in 2020. However, due to a change in publishers, I have completely revamped the content and also altered the titles of both books. They are now called “Hugger Mugger” – Part 1 and “Maze Aflame” – Part 2.

Let’s embark on a gripping literary ride. For the past decades, I’ve been itching to spill the beans about my life journey, from birth to adulthood. Besides, my marriage, a marathon lasting over 20 years, seemed like a solid chapter. Well, then I stumbled into a love affair straight out of a horror flick. But hey, amidst the chaos, I hit the jackpot with four amazing kids who, in turn, gifted me with adorable grandkids.

Further, let’s also talk about my not-so-proud moment: falling head over heels for a total fraud. Lust masquerading as love? Check. Throw in a hefty dose of affection-chasing, and suddenly, my life was on a rollercoaster to the abyss. Yep, it got so dark I was practically penning my farewell note during the time living in a mentally dark place.

It was never to know what was meant or what he wanted from me. What was good yesterday or today was often gibberish tomorrow in his mind.Besides, it was the worst time of life. I experienced how my soul ended up in a toxic, controlled and abusive relationship from the moment I fell in love with a psychopath. I don’t think people realise how much strength it takes to pull oneself out of it.

Whilst Mary is living in a discontent marriage with her disloyal spouse, she meets Drake Lucifer Bates. He skilfully conceals his true nature and takes advantage of his role as Mary’s doctor.

He unethically exploit her vulnerability and using his captivating charm to get into her mind. The story unfolds with precision, as it delves into the calculated manipulation of Mary by Dr Bates. 

His flirtatious behaviour and elusive persona are making it hard for Mary to grasp his true motives, as though there appears a touch of magic in the air whenever he is near.

Before she knows of it, he is exploiting her vulnerability to maintain a tight grip on her life, until she finally succumbs to the irresistible allure of Dr Bates. Of the sudden, she gets entangled in his calculating web, captivated by his intelligence and alluring charisma.

Dr Bates is like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde type. And Mary ends up being in a mentally dark place with him. So believing him is fatal when he, as a predator is scheming wealthy patients. Just like Mary being his next prey in his malicious plan, when he sinks into his mania of deceives and lies. Next, Mary finds herself in the clutches of Doctor Bates before his cunning actions lead to a disastrous outcome.

The novel draws from real-life experiences, lending authenticity and impact to certain episodes. However, Stark aims to expose the warning signs of toxic relationships, enabling readers to recognise manipulative and psychopathic behaviour and safeguard themselves during courtship.

According to Stark, a substantial number of women and men are subjected to severe emotional manipulation and mistreatment by psychopathic partners. Often confusing thoughts swirl in the minds of the victims, as a slow poison inflicted by their tormentor. The bruises may vanish, but the torment of psychological abuse lingers on, forever imprinted in one’s mind.

In the second instalment of the tumultuous story, we will experience how Mary’s life will continue to plunge her deeper into the abyss of Dr Bates’ deceit and treachery. Besides, the things between Paul and Mary’s once tender marriage turns sour, leaving their innocent children caught in the crossfire. However, Bates’ malevolent schemes have ensnared Mary as divorce looms on the horizon.

Then the first tremors of danger quake through Mary’s existence when she flees for her very survival, with Bates by her side and with the menacing shadow of the mafia hot on their trail. Moreover, matters escalate when a deluge of accusations, ranging from sexual abuse to financial fraud, rain down upon the once-charismatic Dr Bates.

Furthermore, as Mary grapples with the consequences of her entanglement with Bates, her inner turmoil captures her. From the neon-lit streets of Hong Kong to Dubai and to the sun-drenched shores of the Caribbean, the world becomes a vivid canvas for this heart-pounding thriller which includes criminal elements in this dark romance.

The character of Bates’ demeanour shines through, painting a chilling portrait of a man steeped in darkness. Yet, beyond the veil of a troubled romance lies a harrowing exploration of the doc’s personality disorder when Mary peels the layers of Bates’ twisted psyche off.

With Each revelation, Mary confronts the harsh reality of her lover’s true nature—devoid of empathy, mired in narcissism, and throughout devoid of remorse. However, gone is the naïve woman, once blinded by his charm, now replaced by a sombre reflection of her horrifying life journey with Bates. She no longer desires to be in this mentally dark Place with him.

No doubt, Dr Bates emerges as a full-fledged predator, wielding flattery like a deadly weapon to ensnare his prey. For any woman grappling with the uncertainty of loving a psychopath, Mary’s story serves as a haunting mirror of their own struggles, a cautionary tale of the depths one sinks into when love blinds and deception reigns.

The unpredictability when being in love with a psychopath.

In a flurry of lust mistaken for love, I found myself entangled in a passionate and tumultuous relationship. Middle age hit like a freight train, smashing my marriage to bits before I could even blink. Enter a new dude, charming at first glance but hiding a psycho beneath.

Love goggles firmly in place, I failed to spot the mental warfare until it was too late. Turns out, he’d been conning folks left and right for ages with his possessive antics and manipulation tactics. Like a blindfolded chicken on a world tour, I followed him into a nightmare of lies, abuse, and financial mayhem.

Well, I’m not so proud of some of my actions. But, somehow I began fabricating stories to those around me solely to shield my partner, a talent I had never honed previously. However, it’s a skill that have faded with time. In truth, deceit isn’t my strong suit.

Because I bet my life on a certified egomaniac, and boy, did I pay the price. The final straw? Realizing I had to choose between losing myself in his twisted love or making a run for it. Surprise, surprise, he went full ghost mode when I confronted him, resorting to passive-aggressive antics and playing the eternal victim.

Take your pick, but either way, they’re a toxic cocktail you’re better off without. The relationship consumed me, draining my energy and self-worth. Slowly, I began losing sight of who I was, sinking deeper into a mentally dark place. My thoughts became clouded with self-doubt, anxiety, and despair.

The once vibrant and optimistic version of myself was now buried beneath layers of pain and confusion. I longed for escape, but the grip of this destructive love was suffocating, leaving me feeling lost and broken. One positive thing? Well, while I waded through that mess, I still found solace in helping the helpless, be it abandoned animals or struggling kids. It kept my spirits up in the storm.

Ah, the rollercoaster ride that was known as “Existence with The Crackpot.” In hindsight, I realized I had two options: dove headfirst into his pool of fake love or made a mad dash for the exit. And let me tell you, folks, it was like choosing between a rock and a hard place.

So, picture this: I finally mustered up the courage to call him out on his shenanigans, and what did he do? Then, he ghosted me faster than you could say “relationship drama.” Classic move, right? But oh no, that wasn’t all. He busted out the silent treatment, leaving me in a state of emotional limbo. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any crazier, he played the passive-aggressive card like a pro.

Get this, ’cause there was more! He was a master at twisting words and making me out to be the villain. It’s astonishing how he relentlessly monitored me on Facebook, also on every other social media platform, even my website. Can you imagine it? He extended his stalking to my publisher, fabricating false stories on various online bookstores. And as for my YouTube channel? Yes, that wasn’t exempt either. Talk about a mind-bending experience! It was like he had a Ph.D. in dodging responsibility while simultaneously crushing my feelings.

Back in 2014, when I was knee-deep in confusion, my gut told me something was off. Therefore, I was digging into finding out more on psychopaths and sociopaths, trying to pin the tail on the antisocial donkey. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t pretty, and a lot of those traits fit my ex like a glove. Ah, the joys of dealing with a certified psycho!

In hindsight, falling for a psycho wasn’t exactly my brightest idea. Living with a covert narcissist? Nightmare fuel. The mental gymnastics and emotional turmoil? Enough to drive anyone to the edge. But hey, it inspired me to spill the tea in 2020, shedding light on the murky world of loving a psychopath.

How Does A Narcissist React To Confrontation?

Picture this scene: The covert narcissist I was involved with seemed to have a constant need for control and power. He would manipulate my emotions, often making me feel guilty or inadequate, making me doubt my own perception of reality. What was once love and affection quickly turned into a cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation. It was a rollercoaster of highs and lows, leaving me feeling trapped and isolated.

The darkness that consumed our relationship extended beyond the emotional realm and seeped into every aspect of my life. I constantly questioned my own worth and sanity, feeling like I was walking on eggshells, afraid to set off his volatile temper. It took immense strength to finally break free from the toxic grip of this psychopath and start the healing process. The scars may still linger, but I am grateful for the strength I found within myself to escape that emotionally dark place.

Money – Attention – Status – Privilege – Sex Etc…

The lovely future was all fake. He didn’t want me only my valuables. He didn’t want my love, only the admiration I could give him. Then he wanted my obedience as a prayer in his make-believe world.

In fact, he was a two-face, delusional creature who hid everything and lied about everything and never respected me even I was loving a narcissist.

What kind of deep dark, secrets did he have? What I experienced whilst being in a mentally dark place; everything was about total control from the narcs part of what he really wanted from me.

Narcissists have two faces
Narcissists have two faces…

Author VideoThe unpredictability of falling in love with a psychopath
Due to a change in publishers, I have completely revamped the content and also altered the titles of both books.

They are now called “Hugger Mugger” – Part 1 and “Maze Aflame” – Part 2.

How To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship?

Getting out of an abusive relationship, especially when you are still in love with someone who exhibits psychopathic tendencies, can be incredibly difficult. Especially when being trapped in a mentally dark place.

It’s important to remember that while the relationship may have started off beautifully, the reality is that it has become toxic and harmful. Recognising that the person you are in love with is a narcissist who hides deep, dark secrets is the first step towards breaking free. If you’re being in a mentally dark place, try your best to get the hell out of there. Here are some steps to help you escape this abusive situation:

Accept the reality:

Acknowledge that the relationship is abusive and that the person you love is not capable of providing a healthy, loving partnership. It may be painful to come to terms with this, but it is crucial for your own well-being.

Connect with trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can provide emotional support and guidance during this difficult time. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can provide validation and help you gain strength.

Develop a plan to ensure your safety when leaving the relationship. This may involve securing important documents, finding a safe place to stay, and informing someone you trust about your situation.

Consider reaching out to a therapist or counsellor who specialises in abusive relationships. They can provide you with the necessary tools, guidance, and coping strategies to navigate the emotional challenges of leaving an abusive partner.

Once you have left, it is crucial to cut off all contact with your abusive partner. This includes blocking their phone number, social media accounts, and any other means of communication. Maintaining no contact is essential for your healing process.

Rebuilding your life after an abusive relationship takes time and effort. Prioritise self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy, practicing self-compassion, and seeking healing through therapy or support groups.

Remember, leaving an abusive relationship takes immense courage, and it is not a straightforward process. Reach out for help, take things at your own pace, and prioritise your safety and well-being above all else.

Wonderful United Kingdom

When I moved from abroad to the United Kingdom, at first I wanted the writing to be self-help, and ultimately, I got control over my distraught life again. The process made me to shed light on psychological abuse and increase awareness of the blindness in adoration for the fake love scammers, and of how it is when falling in love with a psychopath, which they use when they mentally abuse others.

Achieving The Goal

After I had moved in 2016, I found a fresh life in the southern part of England. I fell in love with Bournemouth. Ultimately, it was here the narrative about falling in love with a psychopath seriously began. Then, I backtracked my life of what had happened during my time in Spain throughout 2010. It was there, I had met this new exiting man. Together with him, my life was more or less a mess. Having him in my life, I mostly lived like a globetrotter between Denmark, Spain, Asia, and Balkan. Finally, the narrative ended up in England again in 2020.

Conclusively, the book series did a profound service to readers when I exposed the truth. The sincerity of how it was to live and fall in love with a stop-at-nothing, callous psychopath.

Bournemouth & Poole coastline where I liked my wounds after I went NO CONTACT with the psychopath.

I Pushed My Limits To The Outmost

With my storytelling, I was confident that it was the first series of its kind in the market, delving into my personal experience of falling in love with a psychopath, just like many other women. By sharing my life events, after being in a Mentally Dark Place, my intention was to connect with others and dissuade them from entering a toxic relationship, like the one I had experienced.

The Most Important Aspect Of My Life

It’s so amazing! I escaped from a despairing relationship and see myself as a survivor of abuse. However, there are still moments when it can be tough. After the breakup, I stayed single and confront the damage until I healed, while the other person fast moved on to another relationship.

Even though I’ve made amazing choices based on my experiences, there are times when unpleasant memories resurface and make me feel sad. I have learned from my mistakes and have never regretted cutting off contact with the narcissist. There was nothing positive to gain from trying to reason with someone who was completely unreasonable.

Most of the time, I feel fantastic living a fulfilling life in Bournemouth. It is here that I have discovered how I was able to achieve the seemingly impossible: writing books about my experiences as a victim and how I survived the cruelty of an abusive man who had no capacity for loving a person.




Bob Marley

Hengistbury head, Bournemouth
Check this out and listen to the Author online interview with TogiNet.

Author Radio Interview with TogiNet

The Sun Is Still Shinning

Amidst these tragic pandemic times, let us not forget the warm embrace of the sun, its rays gently caressing our skin. I extend my heartfelt wishes for a swift recovery and robust health to every single soul across the globe. My thoughts are with those who have fallen prey to the merciless grip of this cruel COVID-19 virus.

A profound sadness engulfs me as I mourn the loss of precious lives and empathise with the anguish of their bereaved families and loved ones. In this moment, I hold the utmost reverence for the tireless warriors in healthcare, their unwavering dedication resonating like a symphony.

May you all find solace and strength. Cherish yourself, your neighbours, and your dear ones, for now, more than ever, we must stand united. As the sun continues to shine, I wish you all a day filled with love and beauty. 🌹😘

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