Did I have any clue of the psychopathic meaning? No! I had to research it. Then I needed to figure out about the psychopath definition, too. At one point, I found out he was an empty vessel brought on by excessive grandiosity and personal injuries. The fella was starving for pompous attention and acted like a psycho.
Next, he was loving; it was only to get money from me because I was a good supply for him. Then he laughed, that was how he dealt with it. Yes, he was in fact that cold and callous. Or he wanted information about me and my previous life so he could use it against me. Then I gave myself a fresh goal; I had to figure out about the psychopath definition, too.
How did he know I knew the truth about him?
And how did he know when I had figured him out for whom he was?
Was it; when I stopped reacting?
Greetings, and welcome to today’s Author News 10 July 2021
Was I even his girlfriend? To me he was my lover, and I used to like to be around him. But it ended up in more and more fighting. Drama. Me crying. then millions of questions popped up in my mind. Maybe I was only his money-friend. When my new boyfriend found out I was on to him and tried to go up against him, he became more viscous towards me.
He was a master in manipulation and self-centered and egocentric by nature! His mindset provided his narcissist hunting ground for many barrages on my appearance, on any interference to his sphere of influence, on my personal desires, my friends and family.
Only what mattered most to him was how he appeared to others. Withal, the effort I made to confront his abusive and melodramatic attitudes resulted in shifting the cause back onto me.
It was gross listening to how he in his barrage told me how unhinged, selfish and demanding I was in his view. It was painful to hear him say I was extremely unattractive, unfriendly, and grossly stupid. For thereafter to tell how others had found me untrustworthy, repulsive and boring to be around. It shocked me! It devastated me!
When I needed him the most, he would not show up for me. Then he would get exasperated if I showed how upset I was about it. He continually criticised me; you can’t ever do anything good enough – or are you completely stupid in your fucked-up head? He often said.
Such behaviour shocked me and I was never ready for his shrewd-up aggression when I dared to question his authority over me. It scared me so much when he undermined my sense of honesty when he was in his full barrage of rage and self loathing.
I had become the scapegoat in the narcissist’s world
All my emotional defences became to chaos instead of love. But he destroyed me just enough to keep me dependent on him since he had managed that I had gained a foothold in his distorted delusional self system and manipulation. He was the evil puppet-master and I became his spooked puppet.
The fella never apologised, nor could I ever win against his wicked demeanour. He only wanted to get even with me at any cost and pushed me to the edge of my most lang drawn-out suicide. Everything was always my misconduct and nothing was ever his fault; of course that was according to him and his view. My narcissistic boyfriend always blamed all on me and others.
During the relationship, I began to document my observations of his narcissistic behaviour. It was gruesome findings. Then I learned how I could step back and evaluate the situation of fear, insecurity, and regret. I sincerely regretted I ever had met him, that I ever had let me into my life and let him manipulate me in his horrendous way. These feelings I had to overcome once I had recognised the malignancy that created my emotional surroundings.
Would I ever be able to begin a new life of freedom and healthy living?
Might I ever find my answers in my writing when everything came to the surface?
It was some of the biggest question of them all whilst I trembled for relief from his toxic nightmare; it required I transformed with another reality. Don’t go back; I said, repeatedly. For my own life, health and future. Then he twinged of sadness and with his fake tear; he couldn’t grasp what it was about. However, he never registered I was flown because to him, I was always available. He only saw himself as the center in the Universe. Yet, I suspected he already had found another supply
Mostly, I needed an eye opener, new social values and a fresh insight of ethical morals with freedom and dignity. The future would start faster once I let go and I would be happier. And that was the only way to understand that. I had to get free of his psychopathic conduct; away from his sick game and escape his sticky spider-web.
In fact Narcissist’s are rarely happy. He complained and whined all the time and was miserable most of the time. My Narcissistic boyfriend never said goodbye; I did and I stayed with my goodbye.
But it was hard to come to terms with all at once. Yet I would heal knowing the future without such an egomaniac ended up so much brighter and better than a future with a narcissist who only had planned a grim-faced and bloody downfall for me.
