A matter of trust

Robin is fully trusting me.

I grab my iPhone. Then take lots of pictures of Robin. Half a meter away from me, he stops! Glares at me. Then I got the shot. Robin is fully trusting me. He eagerly jumps around. Now even closer by my side. And I stand completely still. 

I smile. And I’m in such a joy. Robin makes me happy. He makes my heart beat faster and faster. A lovely bird with a red heart on his chest. He says goodbye. Peep, peep… I must fly. She is waiting for me. Then Robin takes off. Who was he? My Angel? A spirit from heaven. My son? However, in my auspicious moment, I’m walking with hasty steps to the golden sandy beach. 

My point is: the trust between; humans and birds and birds to the humans. It’s amazing. Also, the trust between; humans and animals and animals to the human. It’s even grander.

However, the major thing is the trust between humans and humans. That’s the grand question.

All the many lies.

And then it just happened––I figured out that he had lied to me all the time. It is devastating! Such people lie like others breathe, and honestly, it wasn’t only all the many lies. It was also the massive manipulation. And suddenly I woke up when I finally realized that he mentally abused me. 

My boyfriend had taken advantage of me the entire time! And even though I stayed confused about his feelings, because nothing was ever enough for him anymore! 

His expectations for me to be his slave in unconditional love. The many lies where I had to put up with his dishonesty! Loan after loan, and no one of them did he ever pay back. It was only a matter of time; the clock was ticking for the worse.

Can we trust each other?

One of my daily walks to the beach. There is something special about this. About this lovely day. I first stumbled over a squirrel jumping in front of me. It was sweet. However, it was also stupidly glaring at me. Then it ran off.

Robin. 

I continue my hasty walk, eager to reach the beach. Before my feet sets its print in the golden sand, I stumbled over my next lovely surprise. It was as God wanted me to see all the beauty in the world right now. I see this tiny Robin. The bird is picking grain from the ground. 

I stop! 

He stops! Next, he glares curiously at me. 

Peep, peep… and he continues picking grain from the ground. So beautiful and so undisturbed it is. He let me watch him in quietness and peace.

Can we always trust each other?

I gave my ex too many years of my unconditional love. My faithfulness, honesty and loyalty. I trusted everything what he told me during the love-bombing phase. What was the purpose? He was getting to know all my soft spots. All my family issues. Everything about my hopes. Every story about my past. Then knowing about all my dreams. 

I forgive! Then I trust too much! But did he ever care? It was only about gathering information. To use my most intimate details against me. Mostly, to use my darkest secrets to hurt me later. 

The cyber-stalking began.

Will you believe it? Cyberbullying is horrifying! It was on text messaging, Facebook, social media, Amazon and on every online bookstore the troll could find about my books. And believe me, this is not only kids who are cyberbullying each other, it’s indeed adults too.

Yes, of course the stories that were told to everyone; he NEVER loved me, and then the dude didn’t even know me. So, he said to everyone. But strangely, in his opinion; it was my loss not being together with him anymore––I wonder what exactly did I lose? Whatever he thinks I’ve lost––I haven’t looked for it at all!

However, I am so grateful for that, and not looking for it. Because such people are irrelevant, and he is a total stranger to me. A person I can’t trust, yet I had trusted in him too much.

In time, I regained my-self-worth, so I could see the beauty in life again. The bird trusted in me, and Robin knew I wouldn’t harm him. Then, I trusted he would stay and keep picking the grain so I could get a close-up photo of him. Robin gave me hope, as he also gave me joy. And mostly he gave me a moment of sincere love.

Therefore, once again, I have happy hopes for a brighter future!